never once

My “life plan” seems to be changing faster than my brain can comprehend. I thought I had my life figured out when I started high school. HA. Little did I know. Two and a half years into university, my “perfect” plans seemed to shatter in front of me. I had decided figured out that I wanted to go to Belmont in Nashville, and my new “life plan” started to form. For months I sat staring at the Belmont website, working on my admissions essays and dreaming of what life in Nashville would be like. Staring a couple of months ago, something about Belmont/Nashville just wasn’t sitting right. My brain was telling me that it was what I wanted, but my heart was starting to question it. 

I made my third trip down to North Carolina shortly after Christmas. I was there for about ten day and knew before I left that I wouldn’t want to come home. I’m sure after reading my last blog post, I made that point quite clear. I’ve never felt at home anywhere more outside of my own house. I feel like I fit in. I feel like it somewhere I could see myself building my life. After my last trip there, I had looked at the UNCA website, but didn’t really find anything that caught my attention. I don’t think I was ready to find anything at that point. I had made my decision on what I was going to do, and that was that. After this trip, I had that feeling again, like I should take another look at the UNCA website. This time I went in with a different state of mind and actually came out finding something that fits what I want to do. Because what I want to do doesn’t have a cookie-cutter education to go along with it, there is a bit of flexibility around what program I could take. Not only did I find a program that fit, but the price was a lot more appealing than what I would be paying at Belmont. Yes, I know that if Belmont is where I’m supposed to be, the money will come together. At the same time, when I want to be able to travel internationally as part of my job, being up to my eyeballs in debt may not be the best thing. As you can probably tell, my brain has been all over the place in the last week.

Right now, I think my heart has decided on what to do. I don’t think my brain is on the same page yet. I’ve never felt such a pull somewhere before, and I think that absolutely terrifies me. I was never this scared, excited or utterly terrified about Nashville. That alone should maybe be a sign. Pray that I will know what I should be doing. Pray that I don’t over think my decision or push myself to a point where I’m too stressed to decide. 

I need to keep reminding myself of this:

“Never once did we ever walk alone 
Never once did You leave us on our own 
You are faithful, God, You are faithful”
(Never Once – Matt Redman)
He is always with me. He will always be with me. He will never leave me alone. He has never left me before. Never once. 

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