happiness

Another trip to North Carolina, another hard transition back into everyday life at home.

The idea of this trip was to surprise my dear friend Sarah for her birthday last Friday. Let me just say: mission accomplished. There is nothing I love more than a good surprise. When it comes to a successful surprise, I say go big or go home. In this case, I went big and I went home. This trip solidified the fact that Brevard is right where I’m supposed to be. It feels more like home than anywhere I have ever been. When I first arrived in Brevard last week, the anticipation and excitement was too much to handle. Within minutes of being with everyone again, it just seemed like it was normal for me to be there and be a part of it all. It is still such a strange feeling for me. Don’t get me wrong, it is an absolutely amazing feeling. It is just something I am so not used to. It is the best feeling in the world.

I of course had the most amazing week spent with wonderful people. It doesn’t seem like it takes much effort for me to be there. Sometimes when you go on vacation, you are constantly feeling like you need to be on the go, or that you need to put this huge effort in. Being in North Carolina is nothing like that for me. It’s just like I fit into life there for a week. Don’t get me wrong, I love the fun stuff we do and the different places we go, but it’s not necessary for me to enjoy my week there. We can all just sit there and watch TV, or ridiculous movies like “Drowning Mona”. (I don’t recommend the second.) I can see myself living life there. Yeah, I’m sure it will be different when I’m actually living there, but that doesn’t worry me in the slightest. I’ve never felt so excited for something I know is so right.

Leaving seemed different this time. Every time I have left before this, I haven’t known when I’d be back or where I’d be in life at the time of my next visit. This time I am pretty sure that the next time I’m in North Carolina, it will be for good. This time I could leave knowing that soon enough I would be back for good. Right now there are still so many unknowns which still makes leaving so hard. I don’t know for sure when I’ll be back, when I’ll get a job, or when I will be able to move. All these things are so scary, yet at the same time I still have peace about it all. Don’t get me wrong, there are still many days when worrying gets the best of me and I have doubts. I just have to trust that God has it all planned out for me, and I can’t wait to see what that plan looks like. This goodbye seemed more of a “see you soon then”.

Lately I’ve been listening to a lot of The Fray. The song that has been on repeat lately has been “Happiness”. It talks about not living to find happiness, but just completely embracing it when it comes around. There is one line in the song that says: “You are gone, not for good but for now. Gone for now seems a lot like gone for good.” This describes how I’m feeling perfectly. I know I’m just gone for now, and I’ll be back. At the same time, being gone hurts more than anything. It feels like it could be ages before I end up back there. The song ends with the line: “She will be home”. All I can do is pray that my life turns out like the end of this song. I just want to go home.

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