come close

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Loneliness.

It’s a daily struggle.

A struggle I’ve dealt with before – a struggle that feels more real now than ever.

I often find myself longing for the familiar faces at home. For the comfort of people who really know me. For the ease of long-time friendships.

Evenings bring the end of a work day and the chirping of crickets – they bring rest, recovery, and moments alone. So often, they are more than needed. So often, they bring with them the cravings of true friendship here.

I know without a doubt that I am where I need to be. Where the Lord has placed me. Where I love.

These seasons have come and gone in the past. The Lord has taught me more in these moments than ever before. These moments create a hole in my heart that only the Creator can fill.

They bring me closer to him. They challenge me. They strengthen my faith. They pull me closer to the One who created me – who breathed life into me.

But still, the emptiness of these moments consume me. They force me to doubt my place. To question. To long for a place that I’m not.

In the moments where I feel like I have no one, I’m left with my thoughts.

I have a choice. I can sit in my loneliness and dream of the places I’d rather be – or I can use these moments to press further into Him.

I have a choice. I can waste away in my own pity – or I can choose contentment, choose JOY, choose HIM.

I so often make the wrong choice. It’s a constant struggle. It’s a constant battle. It’s a journey.

———-

This past week gave me a glimpse of all that I miss. While these people were not old friends, they very quickly became new friends. They encouraged me. They made me laugh. They cried with me. They gave my lonely spirit HOPE. I cannot even describe how thankful I am for all that they left me with – emotionally…and the Oreos, too. They spoke truth into my life that I had hardly admitted to myself. They allowed me to be myself from the moment we met. They allowed me to open up with the comfort of a safe place. I cannot speak enough good about the #blogHOPE team. You left a mark here that I can so visibly see – on me, on the other staff, and so many of the beautiful Ugandan souls you came in contact with.

You were a light. You are a light. You are still shining here.

———-

The loneliness can be consuming. It can pull me off course. It can direct me back to Him.

I fight it with everything in me – I embrace it as best as I know how.

It’s a battle – I pray that He wins.

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6 thoughts on “come close

  1. Ah, dear friend. I know this feeling…this loneliness. I know the ache – the physical sting that loneliness brings. I will pray for you on this topic in particular. I love you – and can’t wait to be together again in September! (Is it too early to start a count down?)

  2. Lis, my friend. You are so brave. And beautiful. And eloquent. I am so thankful to have another sister halfway around the world. We’ve both left holes for each other (I find myself mooning for last week). I will use this, too, to press into Him. Such good words.

  3. my goodness your words are beautiful and soul stirring. you know what is so hard is that loneliness can find you anywhere and i find myself strugging with a loneliness even as I am back with friends + family. may God fill you up. that has been my prayer lately– be filled: that He would fill me and out of that I would live the outpouring of life.

    • Thank you! That’s so the hard part – the loneliness follows you wherever you are. I know that if I were back home, I’d be sitting there feeling those same feelings – longing for things here. I pray that he fills us up – exactly where we are.

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